Saturday, February 11, 2017

Funny Quotes Collection

Here is the collection of fun quotes. The quotes are collected from Internet from different locations. Original author not known.

A diplomat is one who tells you to 'Go to Hell' in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

If you want to remove wrinkles, pimples, face marks and the 7 signs of skin aging within a day, try ADOBE PHOTOSHOP!

When parents care us, we call it "restriction". But when boy friend or girl friend restricts us we call it "caring".

"I am not waiting for a queen.. I am waiting for the one who thinks that I am her king".

Those who come to share market with experience, goes with money. And those who comes to share market with money, goes with experience.

Romantic films ruin relationships. They give unrealistic expectations about what to expect from men.

When a girl cries, "The world consoles her." But when a boy cries,"Come on man don't be a girl."

Never hate people who are jealous of you, but respect their jealousy because they are the one who think that you are better than them!

I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.

Common sense and deodorant have one thing in common. Those who need it the most, don't use it at all.

I hate it when I don't forward a chain of letter and I die the next day!

The secret of successful marriage is WORKSHOP. Husband works and wife shops!

Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.

If you want to see beautiful girls even after your death,... Donate your eyes.

People who exercise live longer, but those extra years are spent at the gym.

I may not be perfect. But parts of me are pretty awesome!

Respect old people, they graduated high school and college without Google or Wikipedia.

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

Since birth, I was told - "You have to excel in life". My job has ensured that I spend 80% of my life on MS Excel.

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it KILLS them.

I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.

We live in a generation where deleting history is much more important than creating it.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.

"Love is so beautiful wonderful and amazing. It is best thing in the world.... until it happens to your daughter."

One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others!

Where there is a wheel, there is a way!

Sentence written on the T shirt of a girl walking on side of the road-- "You are not looking at the road right now Be Careful!"

Why is Facebook such a hit? It works on the principle that People are more interested in others life than their own!

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. This is called theory of relativity."

"When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course."

Life would be much easier if I can mark people as Spam!

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software!

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason… there's a reason!

Height of attitude: I am jealous of my parents. because I will never have a kid as smart as theirs!

I don't have an attitude problem. I have an attitude that you have a problem with.

If you treat someone like a celebrity, don't be surprised if they treat you like a fan!

I don't have time to hate people who hate me.. Because, I'm too busy in loving people who love me!

Money is not every thing in life. There is Mastercard and Visa also!

Every man needs a beautiful wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting wife and cooperative wife..but its sad that law allows only one wife.

Never think that your girlfriend has sent you a sweet and romantic message. Always think about who has sent her such a romantic message.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the moment it begins to rain.

Visitors are always pleasure. Some when they arrive and others when they leave.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Twine Engine Aircraft: When one engine fails the other one takes it to the crash site!

There are more and more things which are more important than money. But we need money to buy them.

All are happy in one way that everyone is unhappy in different ways.

To avoid heart attacks give away your heart to someone you dislike.

I like men who have a future and woman who have a past.

Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most of the women put make up and most of the men lie.

What do you call a group of people where two of them are thinking of sex and all the others are thinking of food? "A wedding."

First bench students solve any problems but last bench students can face any  problems!"

"To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all."

New style of proposing. Boy: Can I take ur photo. Girl: Why? Boy: Just wanted to show my children how their mom looked in her younger age.

Success is a bus ride during rush hour. You want to get there fast, but same as millions of other people.

Best party in life: That one minute party when the teacher goes out of the class

If a girl loves a boy, no one knows except the girl. If a boy loves a girl, Every one knows except the girl...

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking,but a wise man tells her that she is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

The amount of money that's in your bank when you die is the extra work you did which was not necessary.

People used to switch on TV's after getting bored with their routine work. Now they switch on to routine work after getting bored with TV.

"Facebook is so popular because it makes people believe they’re doing something important."

If you treat someone like a celebrity, don't be surprised if they treat you like a fan!

Life is a workshop. On weekdays, you work, and on weekends, you shop!

If you worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.

Money can't buy love. That's why people steal hearts!!

Scientists have approved that 129849369 people on earth are lazy, because they didn't even read the number.

If you have a problem, FACE it, don't FACEBOOK it.

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